November 5, 2013

Want some cheese with that "whine"?

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the just feels like that some days!

I'm fighting my way back from a hellacious bout of bronchitis and's been hanging on for almost three weeks now.  To say it's been "hard" or "exhausting" is an understatement.  I was out of work for almost two weeks (so long I ran out of sick sick time = no pay!  I was already over $400 short on my paycheck as it was from missing work so there was no way we could survive if I missed more).  I'm slowly...and I do mean slowly...recovering. I'm so exhausted, physically and emotionally, from all of this.  I'm used to getting knocked down by colds and flu, but I can usually overcome them pretty quick.  This has knocked me on my ass, backed up, ran over me, backed up again and parked it's nasty self directly in my lungs.  And on top of the sinus infection/bronchitis/pneumonia, my doctor diagnosed me with asthma as well.  She actually believes that is the underlying cause of why this hit me so hard.  She thinks I've probably had it for a while, a few years at least, but since I haven't ever really complained of any major symptoms (other than a lot of wheezing during exertion or when I'm sick), we never diagnosed it.  She's pretty sure that since my lungs are already compromised from the asthma, it was a perfect storm for this crap to attack me so hard.  I've done two rounds of antibiotics, two rounds of steroids (AKA crazyinabottle) more DayQuil and NyQuil than any person's liver and kidneys should have to metabolize in a lifetime, and was sent home with my own handy dandy little nebulizer for breathing treatments 4x a day.  It's been 19 days and I'm STILL worn out and have to be careful not to overdo it otherwise I end up wheezing and huffing and puffing like a crazy person.  I have I think 4 or 5 days left on the breathing treatments, then I'll meet with my doctor to set up a long-term plan for the asthma diagnosis. 

I've really tried hard not to complain while I've been sick, but it's been so hard.  I just want to feel better.  I want to BREATHE!  I want to be able to walk from the couch to the bathroom without having to take a hit off the inhaler because the exertion is causing my lungs to spasm.  I am so bone tired, and so very tired of BEING tired.  I live with chronic pain due to my back (which ironically hasn't hurt a lick since I've been on steroids!), but this is a totally different kind of incapacitated. I feel like people think I'm "milking" this illness...that I "should" be better by now.  So I feel guilty when I keep saying I'm still worn out, having trouble breathing, and generally still sick.  It has done NOTHING to help the anxiety and depression I deal with on a daily basis anyway.  I've had a few really bad days, sitting on the couch in tears because I'm so depressed that I just want to FEEL BETTER!!!  Don't get me wrong, there has been minor improvement.  I can finally breathe through my nose again.  I can wear my CPAP so I can sleep again. (I went about 4 or 5 days in the beginning when I didn't sleep at all because I had so much trouble breathing.  Those were fun days I tell ya.)  But I'm still just so damn worn out.  And I'm sick of being sick.  And my husband got sick too...of course.  So, you know who got to take care of him while I was still sick, which didn't make me feel any better at all!  
Hopefully within the next week or so this will all be a thing of the past and I can move on with getting the asthma under control and back on track to my FABULOUS BY FORTY plan and training for the Chance to Hope 5K...which sadly has gone nowhere lately.  :(  

That's about all for now...just a quick catch up and hello.  I'm hoping to get back in the swing of this blogging thing...I've missed it, but still sometimes feel it's kind of pointless because I really have nothing of interest to say.  

Hope whoever's reading is doing well!

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