Afraid

Friends, I need some support and prayer.

I am afraid.

We received news today from Matt's doctor that his spleen needs to come out. The way she put it "sooner than later". As in the first week or so of January. No later than that.

We have known for about a 18 months, maybe two years that he has this blood disorder, thrombocytopenia. Basically he has very low platelet counts, and his spleen is enlarged because it is a hungry little bugger hoarding all the cells it's supposed to filter. His platelet and white cell counts have steadily declined, but they are reaching the point that is dangerous to him. In an adult, a normal count is about 150,000 to 450,000 platelets per microliter of blood. Matt's is 28,000. A year ago at this time it was 31,000. Any further decline (a count of 20,000 or less) could lead to spontaneous internal bleeding, and possibly even death due to the blood loss and his blood's inability to clot properly. Removing his spleen is the only way to cure this.

I am beyond scared. I am beyond terrified. I don't have big enough words for the emotions I'm feeling right now. I am trying to be strong for him because I can tell in his voice that he is beyond terrified of having the surgery, and of the implications of not having it. He is my big strong protector and to hear him with any waver of doubt and fear in his voice just slays me.

Please pray for him, for me, for us.

I've only had him for six years...

That's not nearly long enough.

Overwhelmed

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts today.  I'm overwhelmed at the amount of things that I'm behind on, yet can't seem to get the motivation to catch up.  My Google Reader has 127 posts waiting in it, and more keep getting added everyday.  I still haven't finished the baby gifts for my friend even though I'm knitting furiously on them what seems like every free second I have, and the boys were born over the weekend.  So much for getting those done before they came.  I've got a million thoughts going through my head for blog posts, yet can't seem to get them from brain to computer screen.  I haven't read my Bible or had any focused quiet prayer time for a few days. 

I feel like I'm meeting myself coming and going and I just can't get turned around to face forward for any significant period of time.  A lot of it has to do with the fact that I just went back on nightshift...the changeover is always hard on me and I feel like I lose days because of it.  I can tell that's not all that's going on though, but I can't put my finger on what the true problem is. 

Ugh...I just want to feel normal and get caught up!