Non-Scale Victories

When losing weight, or trying to lose weight, it's very easy to get discouraged when the numbers on the scale either stop moving in the right direction or don't move as fast as we want them to.  It's these times when we need to take a step back and remember there is a lot more to losing weight than just numbers.  It's these "Non-Scale Victories" that we need to hold on to in order to keep our momentum and motivation.  

I'm going to start a weekly post detailing my personal non-scale victories, to have a record to keep myself motivated.  Since I've been at this for about 3 weeks, I'll go ahead and post all of them to date now.

MY NON-SCALE VICTORIES (6/15/12-7/9/12)

~My work uniforms are fitting better. Even a slight bit loose. 

~I can buckle my seatbelt again. 

~I can move better. I am not out of breath after 5 minutes of standing. 

~I don't have to use a chair in the shower anymore!!! I can stand on my own and take a shower again!!! 

~I walked 1/4 mile today!  (equivalent to one lap around a standard track...might not seem like much to some, but that's HUGE for me!!!)

How do you keep yourself motivated? 

Turning Point

Today is a pivotal turning point in my weight loss endeavor.  I've now lost (according to my home scale...not sure how much I trust it!) 22 lbs. Yes, this is great and I am thrilled! However, I'm also freaked out. The 20 lb mark is and has been a gigantic speed bump for me. I told myself when I started this that when I hit 20 pounds, it would mark a turning point for me. That I would *know* at that point that I was really doing it. That I was truly losing weight. That I was (dare I say it?) succeeding. Because I haven't gotten past 20 pounds lost in a long while.

You see, I've lost the same 15-17 lbs for years. Each time I lose that amount, something happens...whether it's consciously or subconsciously I'm not sure...and the wheels come off my wagon and I backslide, fail, jump back into old habits.

Never in the past 5 years have I lost more than 20 lbs while on a diet. But now in the past three weeks I've lost 22 lbs.  That still boggles my mind!  Twenty two???  Seriously?  Me?  I am celebrating, but I'm also nervously reserved about it.  I'm scared that I will fall back into old habits and gain it right back. When I have hit this point in the past, I've allowed my fear to stop me. I have tried to look at this fear and figure out exactly what it is that I'm afraid of. Am I afraid of failing? Yes. Am I afraid of succeeding? Yes. Am I afraid of letting other people down. I am afraid of letting myself down. I am afraid of this being just another failure. I am taking steps to prevent the backslide. I have talked to my husband about it, made friends aware of it, my family is very supportive...but I'm still scared. I don't want to fail again.

Why am I afraid of succeeding? If I succeed, so many things will change for me. I will feel better. I will look better. I will be able to go into a store and buy clothing off the "normal" size rack, not have to search for the largest size in the plus-sized section. I will be able to do the things I want to do without constantly needing to stop and rest or be doubled over in pain. I will be able to walk. I will be able to run. I will be able to ride a bike again. I might even be able to dance!  I will be able to go to the Renaissance Faire in costume, something I've wanted to do for years! I will be able to go swimming without feeling and looking like a beached whale. I want to get dressed to the nines and go out on the town with my husband. I want him to be proud to be seen with me. I won't be "the fat friend".  I will possibly be able to carry a baby to term and actually give birth to a real-live-take-home-baby at the end of the pregnancy.  So why, WHY am I so afraid???

The fear of success for me lies in part in one simple (or not so simple) fact. I have NEVER been thin. I was a chunky child, I was an overweight teenager, I was a fat young adult, and I am a morbidly obese adult. I don't know what a "healthy weight" me looks like. What a healthy weight will feel like. How to operate in the world as a person that is not obese. I've navigated my entire life as an overweight/obese person. I have the emotions and social reactions of the "fat girl". I'm so used to being viewed as a fat person, I don't know if I will know how to operate in the world as a person of normal weight. If you've been overweight your whole life, it's challenging to change your thought processes and reactions. At my weight now, as over the past 20-25 years of my life, I've constantly been subject to "the looks", comments, laughter, jokes, and rejection due to my weight.  If I, at a normal or "closer to normal" weight, don't get these looks, laughter, jokes and rejection...what will I get?  How will people treat me, and how will I react to that treatment?  Will I be resentful that people that now don't give me the time of day lavish attention on me in the future?  Or will I be able to graciously accept the attention and simply go on about my life?  I'm not sure. These are the issues that trip me up when I feel the momentum building and I start to see that big billboard of success at the end of the road.

And yes, I know that all of this is my skewed perception of how things could "possibly" work out. I know that this is not necessarily rooted in truth. It is simply how I'm feeling right now, and something I need to work through as my weight loss continues. I am very happy about my successes, and have celebrated every pound I've lost.  And I'm not quitting.  If anything, I'm more motivated to keep going and get to my goal.  I just have to voice these issues.  Maybe if I actually speak them, give them a space of their own outside of my mind to dwell...maybe then they won't haunt the dim corners of my mind?  Maybe they won't lurk in the shadows waiting for that one moment of weakness to pounce and derail my motivation train?

If anyone else has gone through similar emotions in their quest to lose a lot of weight, do you have any advice to share?  How did you get through it?

Try It Out Tuesday - Motivation-In-A-Jar

Well, I'm a little late posting my TioT today, but I have good reason. I had my sleep study last night (more on that later) and I've been at work the rest of the day. But, it's still technically Tuesday, so I'm good!

I decided to break from what has come to be my modus operandi as of late and NOT post a recipe or something food related! I know. Big surprise.

Today's TioT IS weight-loss related, since that is kind of in the forefront of my mind and life right now.

I don't have a great track record with "stick-to-it-ive-ness" on the weight loss front. I start off great. I'm all gung-ho, stocking the fridge and pantry with healthy food, tracking my meals and water consumption, faithfully exercising (to the extent that I can anyway)...for about two weeks. Then something happens, I stumble and slide, then the wheels fall off my wagon completely and before I know it I'm a hot mess again.

I promised myself this time, that this would be THE time.  I lose motivation so quickly though.  Part of the problem is, I have such a large amount of weight to lose, it seems overwhelming and an insurmountable task.  I know, I know, don't look at the big picture, don't focus on how far I have to go look at how far I've come, break it down into manageable goals...yes, I know.  And I do that.  But, there are times when I sit back and look at the number on the scale and just want to cry because there is SO. FAR. TO. GO.  It takes a long time for me to tell a difference in my body or how my clothes fit because I'm so large that even 15 pounds doesn't really change me physically that much.  15 pounds on a 130 pound person, you can see a definite difference.  Not so much on me.  I've been looking for some kind of a visual reminder that I AM succeeding.  That I AM losing weight.  That this is NOT all for naught.  Charts and graphs are ok...but don't really motivate me personally.

So.  I came across a few pins on Pinterest that were "Pounds to Lose" and "Pounds Lost" jars.  Most of them were all cutely decorated, some were very plain.  When I saw it, I thought it would be a perfect tool to help keep me motivated when I got caught in the maelstrom of self-sabotaging chatter in my head.

You can find one of the original pins HERE.  I call mine...

Motivation-In-A-Jar

Materials needed:    2 jars, bottles, vases, containers of any sort (works best if see through!)

                              Glass beads, marbles, rocks, pennies, buttons...anything you want to use as counters.

                               Labels for jars

Optional:  Fancy fabrics/ribbons/stickers for decorating

You really can make these as simple or elaborate as you like.  

Mine are re-purposed jelly jars with glass beads (re-purposed from my Etsy shop bracelet making stash!), labeled with a plain white sticker and Sharpie.  No one said this had to be fancy!  

To use, simply count out how many beads to match how many pounds you have/want to lose.  Put those in the "Pounds to Lose" jar.  (um, duh.)  When you weigh in, you get to transfer the number of pounds lost/beads to the "Pounds Lost" jar.  However...it also works the other way too.  If you gain, you have to put them back in the "Pounds to Lose" jar.  When you get discouraged, glance at your jars and see how far you've come!  

Simple jelly jars and glass beads

Nothing fancy here! Just FIFTEEN beads already in the "LOST" jar!!!

And there you have it.  Motivation in a jar.  Neat, huh?

Don't forget to go check out Kelly's Try It Out Tuesday post...on Banana "Ice Cream"!