More updates...

Wow, where do I begin?

Since I last posted, so much has happened. 

My D&C is still on for tomorrow (actually later today, since I'm posting this at 12:30 am!).  It's scheduled for 4:30 pm.  I'm a little less concerned about the actual procedure and more worried about what they will find when the tissue and everything is sent off to be biopsied. 

I received a call from the doctor on Sunday evening (yep, see how dedicated this new doc is?  Called me himself on a Sunday night!) telling me he wanted to discuss the results of my bloodwork.  He said it was "interesting, and explains a lot".  I was actually at work, so I called him right back, and was totally not expecting to hear what I heard.  Basically, my body is one giant baby killing machine. :(

The results of the RPL panel showed I'm positive for:
     ~Lupus Anticoagulant
     ~Anticardiolipin Syndrome
     ~Compound Heterozygous MTHFR mutation

Sounds fun, huh?

Not so much. 

The Lupus anticoagulant and anticardiolipin syndrome (from what I've read in the small amount of research I've been able to do since hearing the news) are the two most common Antiphospholipid Antibodies (APL's), basically blood clotting disorders that cause blood clots all through various places in the body and are a primary cause of miscarriages. 
The MTHFR mutation I'm gathering is a mutation of an enzyme that breaks down homocysteine, which is an amino acid.  Elevated homocysteine levels are associated with fetal neural tube defects, blood clots, strokes, and miscarriage.

He told me again that having gastric bypass is a must for me.  This news of the blood clotting issues, my weight, my blood pressure (it's been running high lately...go figure, all this stress!), and other factors, he's extremely concerned of heart attack or stroke.  I've been talking with my family and close friends, and everyone is supportive of the weight loss surgery.  I'm all for it.  However...things can never be easy for me.  I called my insurance company to see what the requirements were to get it covered and was told that gastric bypass was an "employer excluded" benefit.  My insurance itself covers it (after jumping through hoops and red tape of course), but my employer chose NOT to have that particular benefit on our policy.  So there is no way, no how, no sir, that they will pay for it.  I'm just devastated.  I cannot pay for it.  We cannot get a loan for it.  And now I'm told that because my employer chose not to have that benefit, my insurance won't cover it.  My doctor is adamant that this is a lifesaving issue.  I have no idea where to go from here. 

I also am in a very strange place regarding the pregnancy loss issue.  All this time, I've believed I've never been pregnant.  I've thought "maybe" a few times...but it's never been confirmed.  Now someone is telling me that due to my history and these bloodwork results that he's convinced that I've probably had at least one miscarriage, if not more.  I don't know where to go with that.  I don't know where I fit, you know?  I'm not definitively sure I've ever been pregnant.  I'm not definitively sure I've had a miscarriage, yet all the evidence is indicating that I probably have.  I'm in that weird space where nothing is concrete, yet everything weighs a ton.  I don't know how to process it all yet.  It's going to take some time, that's for sure. 

Please keep me in your prayers while I figure all this out.  I sincerely appreciate it.

Love,
Rebecca

Update and prayer request

Hello readers.  I am sorry for being MIA for so long again.  Time and life get away from me and I never seem to be able to find the time to blog anymore.  I do read your blogs, mostly from my iPhone, and commenting is a pain from that.  Please know I'm still following you and your journeys, and sending you support when you need it. 

But, today I'm here to ask for the support. 

I had a consultation today with a very prominent fertility specialist here in St. Louis today.  The consultation itself was fine, he is wonderful, and I feel it's a good fit for me there.  However there were several things that I was told that concern me.

First of all, during the exam he found "at least one" polyp in my uterus.  He can't tell if there are more because my lining was almost double the thickness it should be.  The maximum they like it to be is between 12-14mm.  Mine is almost 20mm.  So, I have to have a D&C to remove the lining and polyp(s).  It could be as soon as next Wednesday.  They only do the surgery on Wednesdays.  I should hear something in the next couple of days.

Second of all, he wants me to have weight loss surgery.  He said given my age, history, previous treatments and other personal factors, he believes IVF is our only option for children.  And that at my weight I'm not a candidate.  He usually gives weight loss drugs first, but I can't take them due to a previous adverse reaction.  So he recommends weight loss surgery.  Soon. 

He is also running a LOT of bloodwork.  PCOS, thyroid, ovarian reserve, recurrent pregnancy loss, and a bunch more. 

Yes, I said recurrent pregnancy loss. 

Given the previous fertility treatments we did, and my family history of infertility and pregnancy loss, he believes I might have actually had at least one very early miscarriage and not known it.  So he wants me tested for the RPL panel. 

I'm pretty numb right now. 

I'm scared.  Of the surgeries, and of everything else.

All I can do is leave it in God's hands and pray...and ask you to do the same for me. 

I'll update when I can.

Love,

Me