March 22, 2011


Seven years of waiting, trying, praying, despairing
Was coming to an end.
Joy radiated.
My belly rounding
The tiny bump-bump-bumps against my insides
Reminded us of life beyond our own.
My husband's hand settling to it's new favorite resting place
Touching the outer me but the inner us.
Tha-thump tha-thump blinking on the screen
Kicking flailing turning floating
Our daughter.
This miracle we were granted, this child, our child.
A baby girl.

I woke with a smile this morning with my hand still on my full belly. I could still FEEL her there. The fullness faded along with the haze of sleep. As the sunlight permeated my consciousness, I realized.

It was a dream.

There is no daughter.

I remembered.

There is no baby girl.

I cried.

Because there might never be.


  1. Those dreams are so hard :(. I've had so many where I've given birth, held my babies in my arms, and then woken up and realized it was just a perfect, perfect dream.

  2. Oh sweetie ... I'm sure it was horrible to wake from such a perfect dream. I think of you often and hope with my all that someday that dream does come true for you. ((Hugs)) from a friend.

  3. This was so touching to read. (((hugs)))

  4. This post gave me chills, Rebecca. It's beautiful and sad and real. Oh, how I hope your dream will become a reality one day. Wish I could give you a hug.


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